I was listening to a recording from a retreat with Adyashanti I attended in April and wanted to share this bit with you from an exchange Adya was having with one of the participants.  She was expressing her frustration with the struggle towards awakening.  

I’m not saying to stop struggling.

Everything,

Everything,

Everything … is the divine expression; including struggling, thinking, imagining, egoing.  Everything is ultimately the divine expression.  There’s only the one.  Everything is the divine expression.  Everything, including struggling, including striving.  It’s all the divine expression.  All of it.

We keep thinking certain things are it and certain things are not it...  The whole human condition.  The trying to find what you are, the thinking that you’ve lost what you are.  That’s the divine expression.  The realizing it is the divine expression.  You literally can’t get away from it.

So don’t package something that’s happening within you as wrong.  When I say let go of struggling, it’s not a command.  I’m not really talking to your ego, because I know your ego can’t really let go of struggling.  I’m actually talking to that which knows and reminding it as if to say, “Remember you don’t need to struggle.”  I’m bypassing the ego.  So it’s not a command, it’s like, “Remember?  The struggle is the divine expression…. but remember, it’s not necessary.”  As soon as you see that everything is the expression, including the struggle, including the thoughts.  Somehow when you see that, then the struggle lets go.  Even though it is the divine expression, when you see that it is, it let’s go.  When you see that thought can be very delusory and cause a dream state and all sorts of things — the experience of division and separation and all the cruelty and harm that ensues from that – but that’s not separate from the divine expression either.  When we see the whole thing as the expression, then somehow illusion collapses.

The best thing that can ever be done for awakening is to come completely out of division with yourself.  Because that which you are, it’s not waiting for minds to be calmed, struggles to stop.  It’s not waiting for knowledge to be attained, questions to be answered.  Who you are is not waiting for anything at all in order to be what it is.  It’s just that mistaken assumption that something must be wrong because of how I feel or how I behave or because my mind is nutty.  Something must be, that’s the underlying misperception, misunderstanding.  But everything is the divine expression, everything.

This really takes the steam out of “I’m not good enough” doesn’t it?

Posted: August 8th, 2008 under life coaching.
Comments: 1

There was a time when I felt too self conscious to dance… without the aid of a glass of wine or two.  I choose now to feel a little akward and risk looking a little silly.  It is way more fun dancing than sitting watching people dance…   

My son and I have known that it is impossible to look at a baby or a puppy without smiling.  Betcha happy people dancing will have the same effect; just watch — Happy People Dancing on Planet Earth

Posted: July 23rd, 2008 under On a more personal note, life coaching.
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“We spend our lives waiting for the great day, the great battle, or the great deed of power. But that external consummation is not given to many, nor is it necessary.  So long as our being is tensed passionately into the spirit in everything, then that spirit will emerge from our hidden, nameless efforts.

To reach these priceless layers is to experience with equal truth that one has need of everything and that one has need of nothing.  Everything is needed because the world will never be large enough to quench our tastes…  and yet nothing is needed because the only reality that can satisfy us lies beyond the transparencies in which it is mirrored.  But everything fades away and dies between us and it will only give reality back to us with greater purity after all.  Everything means both everything and nothing.  Everything is God to me and everything is dust.”
~ Teilhard de Chardin

As a life coach, I hear my clients often saying that they need to find something to be excited about.  There is a be more, do more, have more culture that we are constantly bombarded with.  I am coming to understand that this longing and constant wanting that we feel is for something of a far deeper meaning than trips and trinkets will ever fulfill.

Posted: July 20th, 2008 under life coaching.
Comments: 1

It’s been far too long since I have entered a post.  This is in part because I am going through a time of transition personally and professionally (aren’t we all — always?).  So as I continue to define myself and my (so-called) message, I will just enter what comes to mind or in this case, provide passages that I read that I find relevant to my life situation of the day.

 Here’s one from Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth:

 Giving Up Role Playing

When you don’t play roles, it means there is no self (ego) in what you do.  There is no secondary agenda:  protection or strengthening of yourself.  As a result, your actions have far greater power.  You are totally focused on the situation.  You become one with it.  You don’t try to be anybody in particular.  You are most powerful, most effective, when you are completely yourself.  But don’t try to be yourself.  That’s another role.  It’s called, “natural, spontaneous me.”  As soon as you are trying to be this or that, you are playing a role.  “Just be yourself” is good advice, but it can also be misleading.  The mind will come in and say, “Let’s see.  How can I be myself?”  Then, the mind will develop some kind of strategy:  “How to be myself.”  Another role.  “How can I be myself?” is, in fact, the wrong question.  It implies you have to do something to be yourself.  But how doesn’t apply here because you are yourself already.  Just stop adding unnecessary baggage to who you already are.  “But I don’t know who I am.  I don’t know what it means to be myself.”  If you can be absolutely comfortable with not knowing who you are, then what’s left is who you are — the Being behind the human, a field of pure potentiality rather than something that is already defined.

Give up defining yourself — to yourself or to others.  You won’t die.  You will come to life.  And don’t be concerned with how others define you.  When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem.  Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as a field of conscious Presence.

Why does the ego play roles?  Because of one unexamined assumption, one fundamental error, one unconscious thought.  That thought is:  I am not enough.  Other unconscious thoughts follow:  I need to play a role in order to get what I need to be fully myself; I need to get more so that I can be more.  But you cannot be more than you are because underneath your physical and psychological form, you are one with Life itself, one with Being.  In form, you are and will always be inferior to some, superior to others.  In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone.  True self esteem and true humility are contradictory.  In truth, they are one and the same.

So…  thank you Mr. Tolle, I will stop, right now, the project of defining myself and get down to the business of Being. 

Posted: July 10th, 2008 under News.
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I was flipping through the Georgia Straight this morning while sipping tea, stressing out over the last details of the Women With Wings conference, when I came across this article headline Stressed students pushed to breaking point .  The article tells the story of a 19 year old student feeling stressed by the pressure to work and study longs hours to get ahead. 

 ”Aside from the long hours she puts in for pay she is enrolled full-time at Kwantlen, coaches soccer on the weekend, and is involved in competitive cheerleading almost daily.  She estimates her precious moments of downtime add up to less than one day a week.” 

I was not this kind of student, nor is my oldest son — when he chose not to complete his first semester of college, he told me he was really enjoying not having any responsibility right now.  He’s 18.  I can relate.  I often say that I do not suffer from workaholism and yet I repeatedly find myself with my plate overflowing.  Are we addicted to chaos, or the drama that comes from the drive to be more, do more, have more?

I’m ready for a simpler life.  Is it possible to do one or two things really well?  What if our worth was measured on who we are… our level of integrity and kindness rather than our grades and accomplishments?   

Posted: April 30th, 2008 under News.
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On Saturday, April 12th, I was married to Terry Nielsen in the sunshine surrounded by friends and loved ones. We adapted the ceremony from “Conversations With God, Book 3,” by Neale Donald Walsh. I’ll share it with you here:

“Terry and Tanya have not come here today to make a solemn promise or to exchange a sacred vow.

They have come here to make public their love for each other; to declare their choice to live as partners and grow together - out loud and in your presence, out of their desire that we will all come to feel a very real and intimate part of their decision, and thus make it even more powerful.

They’ve also come here today in the further hope that their ritual of bonding will help bring us all closer together. If you are here today with a partner, let this ceremony be a reminder - a rededication of your own loving bond.

We’ll begin by asking the question: Why get married? Terry and Tanya have answered this question for themselves, and they’ve told me the answer. Now I want to ask them one more time, so they can be sure of their answer and firm in their commitment to the truth they share.

You have told me it is your firm understanding that you are not entering into this marriage for reasons of security . . .
. . .  that the only real security is not in owning or possessing, nor in being owned or possessed . . .
. . . not in demanding or expecting, and not even in hoping, that what you think you need in life will be supplied by the other . . .
. . . but rather, in knowing that everything you need in life, all the love, all the wisdom, all the insight, all the power, all the knowledge, all the understanding, all the nurturing, all the compassion, and all the strength . . . resides within you . . .

. . . and that you are not marrying the other in hopes of getting these things, but in hopes of giving these gifts, that the other might have them in even greater abundance.
Is that your firm understanding today?

(We say, “It is.”)

And Terry and Tanya, you have told me it is your firm understanding you are not entering into this marriage as a means of in any way limiting, controlling, hindering, or restricting each other from any true expression of that which is the highest and best within you - including your spirituality, your love of life, your love of people, your love of creativity, your love of work, or any aspect of your being which genuinely represents you, and brings you joy. Is that still your firm understanding?

(We say, “It is.”)

Finally, Terry and Tanya, you have said to me that you do not see marriage as producing obligations but rather as providing opportunities . . .
. . . opportunities for growth, for full Self-expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for quieting every false thought or small idea you ever had about yourself, and for ultimate union with all that is through the communion of your two souls . . .
. . . that this is a journey through life with one you love as an equal partner, sharing equally both the authority and the responsibilities inherent in any partnership, bearing equally what burdens there be, basking equally in the glories.
Is that the vision you wish to enter into now?

(We say, “It is.”)

Terry, please repeat after me.
I, Terry . . . ask you, Tanya . . . to be my partner, my lover, my friend, and my wife . . . I announce my intention to give you my deepest friendship and love . . . not only when your moments are high . . . but when they are low . . . not only when you remember clearly Who You Are . . . but when you forget . . . not only when you are acting with love . . . but when you are not . . . I further announce . . . before our friends and loved ones . . . that I will seek always to see the Truth within you . . . and seek always to share . . . the Truth within me . . . even, and especially . . . in whatever moments of darkness may come.
It is my intention to share my life with you. . . in a partnership of the Soul.

(Minister turns to Tanya)Tanya, do you choose to grant Terry’s request that you be his wife?(I answer, “I do.”)

Now Tanya, please repeat after me.
I, Tanya . . . ask you, Terry . . . to be my partner, my lover, my friend, and my husband . . . I announce my intention to give you my deepest friendship and love . . . not only when your moments are high . . . but when they are low . . . not only when you remember clearly Who You Are . . . but when you forget . . . not only when you are acting with love . . . but when you are not . . . I further announce . . . before our friends and loved ones . . . that I will seek always to see the Truth within you . . . and seek always to share . . . the Truth within me . . . even, and especially . . . in whatever moments of darkness may come.
It is my intention to share my life with you. . . in a partnership of the Soul.

(Minister turns to Terry.)

Terry, do you choose to grant Tanya’s request that you be her husband?

(He answers, “I do.”)

And so now, inasmuch as you, Tanya, and you, Terry, have announced the truths that are already written in your hearts, and have witnessed the same in the presence of your friends, family and your Higher Power, we observe joyfully that you have declared yourself to be . . . husband and wife.

Posted: April 15th, 2008 under On a more personal note.
Comments: 2

It’s the Tuesday before my wedding and — even though we had decided all along that this was going to be a no frills affair, somehow I had been talked into getting a new outfit by my mom; a lovely soft yellow and dove grey sleeveless flowy top; sleeveless even though it’s been one of the coldest springs in years in BC — I am feeling a little pasty.  Now that I have this new little outfit chosen for the wedding, I’m thinking that if I’m going to freeze, it is important that I look good doing it.  

I walk in to the most convenient tanning salon I can find and ask the bronze young girl at the front desk what she recommends.  She starts to tell me about the super-pooper ultra spaceship model tanning device that gives off six times the UV whatsit rays of the regular beds…  and then she tells me the price.  For $35.99, I think I can live with being pasty.  Just as I am about to leave, she says the mid range bed for $12.95 a session will probably be good enough.  

 ”You are so dark, I thought you were an avid tanner.”  I tell her I haven’t been in a tanning bed since the ’80’s and she giggles (I’m not sure if she if she was even born yet by the ’80’s).  We settle on the middle bed, she gives me goggles, asks if I ever burn — to which I answer, never — and says I can probably handle a full session.  Oh yeah, I say, I’m sure that’ll be fine.  A few minutes later I am in my bed with my goggles on and I pull down the lid.  Ah, it feels a little claustrophobic and not at all natural, but it’s warm and the hum of the lights and the fan kind of reminds me of ‘om’.  I am enjoying the warmth at least until my back starts to stick to the bed.  I try to arch my back up and hold my arms out in chicken wing fashion – I hate those fake ‘n bake give away white lines at the arm pits.  Then, clunk, the lights turn off and it’s time to get out.  I’m feeling warm and somewhat relaxed.  It was an awkward, but not altogether unpleasant 15 minutes.

As I climb out of the bed I notice there is a little sticker on the bed with a suggested tanning program.  The suggested regime is to begin with… THREE minutes for the first week, then 7 minutes for the second week, 10 minutes in the third week and finally 15 minutes in the fourth week.  I’m a bit nervous after diving right in to 15 minutes, but figure the girl at the front desk wouldn’t have steered me too dangerously wrong.  I thank the nice young girl who is chatting away on the phone and I drive home to look in the mirror for the first time.   Oh my. 

I’m quite …

flush. 

Almost glowing. 

As the minutes and hours go by I become brighter and brighter and begin to feel much like a pumpkin.   I had been hoping to, not exactly hide my frivolous spending from my soon-to-be husband, but I wasn’t planning on flaunting it.  I had to tell him.  He couldn’t be mad because he could see how clearly uncomfortable I was.  As the evening went on, it became worse and worse.  I felt like what I imagine a microwaved chicken must feel… like I was cooking from the inside out. 

Needless to say I spent the next two nights unable to sleep on my back, I was in so much pain from the sun burn.  By the third night I wasn’t in pain anymore, but was insanely itchy and by Friday, the day before the wedding, I was peeling.  Lovely.

Never again.  I wanted to be mad at the dumb young girl at the tanning salon, but I know it’s my own fault.  That stings even more than the sun burn!  It’s vanity that burned me. 

Posted: April 14th, 2008 under On a more personal note.
Comments: none

I have had this blogspace since launching my website earlier in the year and have been grappling with how to start and what to post.  I have chosen to use this space to share teachings that I find most helpful.  This one is tricky, since I am a coach and people traditionally seek coaching when there is something they want to improve or change in their lives.  My spiritual practice is in becoming a lover of reality and this is the flow my coaching seems to be taking.  This, I am coming to know, is where true freedom lies.  See how it feels for you. 

Here is an excerpt from Adyashanti, Emptiness Dancing (from the chapter called The Fire of Truth). For more of Adya’s teachings, visit www.Adyashanti.org.

“It is utterly simple. In a moment, you gain a life free of negotiation and bargaining. This is what the Fire of Truth removes: your negotiation and your bargaining with what is, the desire for anyone or anything to change. You realize that no changes, not even changes in yourself, will make you happier. To receive this gift fully, it must be given to everything and everybody everywhere. This that is awake doesn’t want anybody to change or improve at all. That’s the fire. That’s the ash of the fire. You realize, “A minute ago I wanted you to change, but now I don’t. You’re fine. Everybody’s fine and everything’s fine.” What happened? Nobody changed and nobody conformed to your pattern, yet a happiness is there, made more beautiful because they didn’t change. It is more beautiful because of the diversity of beings and life. This that’s awake is the same for each of us. And everything else is a beautiful, wonderful expression of diversity.

“As soon as I want you to change or you want me to change, a dagger is thrust into the very heart of our existence. You feel it immediately, personally and closely. This is what the Fire of Truth takes out of your hands. Mysteriously, in that releasing, transformational energy is released. Everything is transformed — not only ourselves, but everyone around us. The Fire of Truth transforms you right down to the cells of your body. Not that you care about or intend this. It happens simply because you don’t intend it. As soon as we care, transformational energy is boxed back up, and as soon as the mind tries to box this truth, to understand it within its own concepts, it’s like dropping a heavy stone on a mirror. The experience is shattering, and you instantly will feel the tension in your mind and body. This transformation requires the deepest humility without any sense of being humble.

“So my invitation is to not look past the looking and not move yourself away from that which notices. Do not improve yourself past that which is already whole. And return the favour. That’s the saving of the world. Return the favour and see it over there. Wherever over there is — to your left, to your right, behind you, upside down, under your feet. See wholeness there. That’s the transformation of everything. If you don’t see wholeness in everything around you, that’s the continuation of ignorance, the continuation of violence. Don’t sacrifice this that is awake. Don’t think it out of existence. Don’t bargain it into the periphery of your life.” — Adyashanti

Posted: April 2nd, 2008 under News.
Comments: 1

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Posted: February 4th, 2008 under News.
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